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"; ironically making himself look much more unattractive then he actually is (who is the joke on in this case? **********NOTE: ALL THESE PHOTOS FEATURE BEARDS AND SOMETIMES UPTURNED MUSTACHES********** Some reference to pop culture to prove he is in the know and has a sense of humor: "It's going down, I'm yelling Tinderrrrr." Though this can also swing 180, pretentiously referencing records, bikes, or arthouse cinema. Swipe right, but prepare for texting with this fellow for a couple of weeks before he finally works up the courage to ask you to "hang out" with him and his friends via text. Just don't be surprised when you finally see his house and he keeps apologizing for all the toys his "niece" leaves all over the living room, or when he eventually brings up the fact that him and his ex-wife shares custody of said "niece." Age: 39. "I am dust and live in an urn" is what his bio should say.

How much do you like to cuddle while discussing indie music? Instead, The Old Man will lay the charm on thick because, at this point in his life, it's all he has left.

Perhaps I’m a little more anxious than some might be about this, but it does feel like there is a lot riding on our first activity.

I don’t want to lock myself into something that requires a couple of hours, for instance, unless I already know my date well enough that I’m sure we’ll have plenty to talk about.

"We can say we met in a Whole Foods" another classic old mannerism, in that it's a line people haven't used on Tinder since the dark ages.

Somewhere between deciding that I want to go out with someone and our first date, there is a question that I dread. ” Occasionally, I’ve gone out with guys who had it all planned, who invited me into a narrative they’d already created, but for the most part, the decision is collaborative.

You can take a shower, pop a breath mint, and be relatively well-versed in small talk, but then your mom texts you "don't mess this up." You immediately get in your head about it, when all you want to do is find that special someone who shares your love for Will Smith movies and Thai takeout.

I don't own stocks or anything, but I love following the latest business and trade news." His response to this: "You're telling me 3. Only problem with this date: He lied to me—he lied . Since most of my talking dates seemed to make men insult me or lie to me, I thought I'd make one date all about hair flips, eyelash batting, and playing with my clothes and jewelry. It's a numbers game, and hopefully if you talk to enough people, at least one of them will be semi-normal.

Ask for Advice: The next gentleman seemed excited to be able to help me and answer all my questions. I LOLed like I was watching Richard Pryor in his prime during my brief date with this guy, and spoiler alert, even though he was not a very funny person, he was on Cloud 9! Lesson: When all else fails, draw attention to your boobs! Looking back on the evening I see now that my opening line should have been to ask what their favorite Will Smith movies is...

Mid-squat at his local crossfit; climbing a rope wall while participating in a mud run; flexing his muscles in a mirror; standing in front of a juicer, liquefying some produce he jogged to the farmer's market for. Seeking the same fit girl to live this fit lifestyle. Worldly, kind-hearted, confident, humble, perhaps he is holding a family of kittens he just rescued out of a gutter, or better yet, a block of cheese. The Perfect Man is 6'3" but he won't tell you that because he wants a girl to love him for him.

Sometimes Vegan, depending on where the moon is in its cycle. "Just moved here from Europe, and would love someone to explore the city with.