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At this point I had no idea it could be the addiction so just expressed how it made me feel.

I was met by an array of explanations such as hunger, ‘it runs in the family’, busy with work, stress and many others. The different explanations register as a bit odd to the person questioning the behaviour but I suspect my ex didn’t even realise how many different explanations he managed to come up with.

With that of course comes insecurities and anxiety.

Having a discussion or argument with someone who responds like a 16 year old, when you are both well into your 30s also becomes draining.

You don’t make plans for your friends or yourself in case your boyfriend decides out of the blue that today is a good day to see you.

If there was conflict between me and my ex, or I brought something up which I wanted to discuss, My ex very often demonstrated behaviours similar to that of a teenage boy.

He’d shut down and refused to discuss, he’d blackmail me through threatening to end the relationship, he’d become incredibly defensive and would often ‘punish’ me for days afterwards through getting in touch with me a lot less than I was used to or being cold towards me. When you express a need or desire to the person who loves you (within reason, and my needs were definitely within reason) and they don’t show any desire to compromise to make the relationship better and address that hurt, it makes you really question their commitment and love.

As the sober partner your heart sinks a little more.

You feel that you are not a priority and might even feel like your partner doesn’t even enjoy spending time with you.