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You just try to get into any music venue in Yorkshire now, Nicky Morgan.

Difficult to hear the TV because my bloody phone keeps ringing.

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New Arctic Monkeys album is sh*t and Palestine’s bloody dead to be honest, mate, so ended up watching this thing called PMQs.

Chief whip texts to say I can’t actually go into the chamber because I’ve been in the news a lot. whenever I hear ‘universal’ I just keep thinking of the label: nearly got signed by Universal back in 2002.

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Massive shame because I’ve never actually watched PMQs before, ever, in my entire life, so not sure what to expect. A&R people dragged up some old posts I’d made online and they scrapped the deal.

If I’m honest I have no idea what ‘PMQs’ even stands for. Anyway, universal credit is another Tory cut, or something like that.