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I’m probably going to be “sorry” for things I have nothing to do with.

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Without hitting her over the head with it, your asking questions in this way allows her to also take inventory of what makes her feel drawn to this person and may bring to light a new awareness for her. It makes so much sense that you would want to protect your daughter from going through any of the pain you've been through in your life.

But just like I saw in the situation with that toxic ex-boyfriend, we sometimes need to walk through the fire ourselves to really own the lessons deep in our bones. says: Unless your daughter is hanging out with someone who is actually a true danger to her life, remember that you cannot really control who she is or isn't involved with.

While your instincts about him or her may not be wrong, you may not know the full picture.

A lot of girls have said they appreciated their moms taking the time to understand why that person was important to her.

As you listen, you may discover that the person you've dismissed has a fabulous sense of humor, is kind to your daughter, puts her at ease, or otherwise surprises you and satisfies your need to see your daughter treated well. I could tell that she was trying to get more information out of me about her.

But hopefully at least one of these ideas will resonate for you.

1) Try to see what your daughter sees in this person.

For teen girls, their friends are their entire universe, and how you approach or question their choices about their friends can either open up a deeper dialogue between you or cause them to shut down completely.

I get how hard it must be not to want to yell, "" or to unilaterally ban the person from your daughter's life.